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TORi

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;( [Oct. 11th, 2017|09:25 am]
TORi
[Current Mood |rly sad]

I think about Joey constantly. Im distracted a lot and happy when I am. But those moments are fleeting, like 100 times a day its just a flip flop of happiness and sadness and remembering to not make a crying face when it comes back to you out of nowhere all the time. plus everything in the world happening so rapidly, along with other personal issues, its just fucken intense and I want to cuddle people constantly. and they cant know why. Not that id never tell them just they are unable to know unless maybe i do a weird cry meltdown but that wont make sense and will be gross then I might lose them! some people use each other and i wish i had a close enough friend who felt about the same thing so we would use each other and no exactly why and have the exact same feelings now this is sounding creepy and i wanna erase it uuuuugh i want a cig
also the main reason im writing this is a shout out to insomnia its soo fucking stupid, also when you are depressed aren't you supposed to sleep a lot? its like im awake and anxious about the depression and scared to go to sleep and its soo fucking dumb. sometimes i wish my friends could read this shit but also its like too much to post on facebook. so, whatever.
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no [Apr. 26th, 2017|02:57 am]
TORi
so mad // so sad // so mad about bein sad, so sad about bein mad and not doing anything about it. am i just a fascist if im not smashing fascism?
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on being sad [Jan. 14th, 2017|06:29 am]
TORi
im sad. its not like i want to be sad, but i dont wish to be happy....i want to be as i am, and this world will never concede happiness.
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2015 post [Aug. 13th, 2015|12:47 pm]
TORi
[Current Location |children's fairyland]
[Current Mood |complacentcomplacent]
[Current Music |rich homie quan]

well its been a couple years. i had a band called penguin. we made one demo tape. the tape has a picture of Frank Reynolds on it. i love people in different states. im moving to nola in a few weeks. im gonna miss oakland. i love someone here but oh well, im leaving. i went to mexico. i want to go to mexico again but im moving to nola. keep having mixed feelings and cold feet. people keep dying and cops keep killing people. thankfully none of my close friends have died since 2013. I love them all tremendously. i havn't seen my family (except ma) in so many months and who knows i might just move away without saying goodbye then never have to feel weird about it cuz i will be 2300 miles away. Tonka has 3 legs.
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I love my dog [Nov. 30th, 2013|03:06 am]
TORi
From my cell: I've been wanting to post on here for sooo long but it's always been about how much I love my dog tonka, and also I hate typing on this little iPhone. But today he got hit by a car, and 5 months ago he broke his leg..I cry. All I ever wanna do is post on Facebook bout how much I love him but resist and instead just post a silly photo. But I love him. He lights up my life and u know him and he knows me. And we love each other so much. I wish I never met him
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(no subject) [Apr. 10th, 2013|01:35 am]
TORi
I just ate 6 quesadillas when I know I shoulda stopped at 2. And put everything away. And the. At 4. And put everything away. And then at 6. And... An I depressed? This is all I have going for me right now. In drunk and eat 5 or 6 quesadillas. And have no idea who still reads my lj.
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i'm so old now [Jul. 31st, 2012|02:28 am]
TORi
this is sooo weird but now im gonna post in my lj. i dont even know what to say, cuz like, theres millions of things to say if i were merely trying to record the past. so much shit happened. but why am i typing now? perhaps because im drunk and just wanted to say something to myself. who reads this anyways, i have no idea, but im pretty sure i dont give a shit about what they think of me, and if anyone sees it they are probably my friend from a long time ago and will be cool. so, i want to fuck hella guys. HAHA! i just typed gays. thats whats fun when youre drunk typing. anyways, i love all the boyz. im single and its great, i just hope that ____haha! will fuck me again, cuz he is the hottest man on the planet and i want that. all the time. anyway i also want to have the best summer ever 2012 and go to all the shows and beaches and forests and parties and hot tubs and lakes and adventures with all the friends.hopefully its an indian summer cuz i aint done at all. there are so many things to do. and art to be sprayed. ok bye
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days [Dec. 22nd, 2009|08:01 pm]
TORi
[Current Music |A Minha Menina - os mutantes]

the other day jared, alex and i went out to jared's land of petaluma cuz we were bored. we finally went out to bodega bay, a longer drive than jared said, and got there right before sundown. we climbed down a lil cliff and stood in this eaten out hole in the side of it and watched the ferocious sea put the smack down on big ol' rocks. the sea climbed towards us and we eventually climbed out.
i had a great dream i was hiking in a nice beautiful moist green forest, and then came upon a restricted zone of glass walls, on both sides of the trail. what was inside? orcas! it was great. when i was awake and remembered this dream, i was very excited.
my mom and i dont have a tree this year.
i might go to india? or somewhere.
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i have dreams [Dec. 13th, 2009|09:56 pm]
TORi
Once again I get this feeling when I am around you a feeling of anticipation that this will last forever. When we are together our thoughts connect to form the one thing we all belong to, and now this feels great. Now this feels so good. I look back to better times, but these are the better times and I hope that they last forever. I hope that we last forever. It's beautiful when you find the right people to befriend. If there are any empty holes I will replace them with brighter things from my heart.
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thank ya jesus [Nov. 27th, 2009|12:02 pm]
TORi
i posted a few months ago an a lot has changed...and the second to last post says im in love with ivan...HA! why do i even post this crap on the internet? anyways now i love alex, we have hecka fun...i wont even go into it, i prefer bullets to mark my past. first what i came here to do:
i ate thanksgiving at my brothers, him and my nephew basically made everything, what good men.
-chevre, warm brie(with olive oil, oregano, pecans and red peppers, delicious.) red wine, succulent turkey (breast and wing) potatoes, gravy, homemade stuffing with chorizo and the insides of the turkey, proscuitto green beans, 3 different homemade cranberry sauces, biscuits, yams with marshmallows. sweet potatoe pie cheese cake, apple pie, maple-brown sugar ice cream all home made. yum land!
now what ive been doin: +morning of thanksgiving me, alex, and emily butterfly went to alctraz for the native peoples sunrise ceremony. it was nice, i found out later that ivan was there hanging out with his aztec dancer friends but we didnt know it at the time.
+seen: GWAR, DEVO, ghoul, cannabis corpse, and lots of funny shit. been doin the cinderella puppet show for theo/zanzibar and having a good time, we have a fun cast. and procrastinating at all times for all homework, i'm not going back to school next semester, i'm a terrible student i want to party all night and sleep all day. piece
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